Movement
| Bulky | -6 | Can't fit through doors or windows, sets Speed to 1 and keeps it there regardless of other circumstances | |
| I'm Outtie | 7 | Gain speed when health is low | |
| I'm Outtie + | 10 | Gain speed when health is low | |
| No Teleports | -6 | Can't teleport under any circumstances | |
| Rechargeable | 3 | Your melee, firearms and speed attributes start very high, and get lower along with your battery | |
| Rechargeable + | 10 | Your melee, firearms and speed attributes start very high, and get lower along with your battery | |
| Roller Skates | 10 | Faster than shoes, less cool than a skateboard, more disco-fabulous than ice skates. | |
| Roller Skates + | 12 | Faster than shoes, less cool than a skateboard, more disco-fabulous than ice skates. | |
| Skinny Nerdlinger | -1 | Knockback from damage is increased, more guns cause knockback when fired | |
| Slippery Target | 3 | Enemies have more difficulty aiming at you | |
| Slippery Target + | 5 | Enemies have more difficulty aiming at you | |
| Tank-Like | 2 | Knockback from damage is decreased, firing guns doesn't cause knockback | |
| Teleport-Happy | 5 | Teleport anytime regardless of location, unless you are in immediate danger | |
| Unstoppable-ish | 5 | Knockback from damage is severely decreased, bullets don't cause knockback |